WHAT WE REMEMBER

upon waking up this morning i said to ian, "do you remember what today is"? and he said, "what"? i said, "ian, it's the second year mark of your mom's passing". whether we try to forget she's really gone or we're just lost in the days, it's one event in our family's life that we'll never forget.
in some of our minds she really left this life on march 31st. on march 28th of 2005 ian's mom was going on her usual 30mile bike ride. towards the end of her ride she was coming down a lonely highway hill. she didn't see the parked truck on her side of the road and hit it full force, head first. she wasn't wearing a helmet. she died instantly. she went to the local hospital. then they flew jane doe to reno to a trauma unit. her brain had hemorrhaged to severely. because they didn't know who she was the family didn't find out until late that afternoon.
i remember it was a rainy day. i was getting ready to cook a nice dinner. my mom and her husband we gonna come over. march 28th is my mom's birthday. ian called and i didn't pick up the phone in time. usually i wait to call back. this time i felt i needed to talk to him so i called him back. he was crying. he was at the airport trying to get a flight to reno. his stepdad has just called him and said mom had been in an accident on her bike and they told him she probably wasn't gonna make it. i ran outside with the phone to talk to ian. i didn't want to break down in front of the kids. i remember putting my face in my hands and saying no, not her. i remember wanting to hug ian and be with him as i heard him cry and we felt such loss. i watched the rain as the next couple of minutes went in slow motion and felt the storm begin.
i asked myself who could i call for immediate comfort. i dialed my mom. we wouldn't be having a birthday dinner that night. as we talked i felt a renewed love for her in hearing her voice. i called my dad. i needed him to be with me and give me a blessing of comfort. he quickly came over. i called our bishop. he quickly came over and helped me make dozens of calls to reno as i was searching for the hospital where she was at. i was searching for a local priesthood member that would go to the bedside of a stranger and give her a blessing. more for my own comfort. someone who would be there when ian got there to give him a blessing and comfort him. i found someone. i don't think there is any other organization that i could have called on to do such a task. i remember talking to garrett, ian's brother, and his sister heather. i felt the worst for heather. she and mom were best friends. i knew her loss would be deep.
i flew to reno the next day. we were there til friday. mom was in a coma. mom was an organ donor. of course she was. she was always giving. this was the last greatest gift she could give. a part of herself so someone else could live. and they did. four women received mom's organs. we are in touch with one. lisa. her life has changed because of mom.
the days in the hospital were full of tears and memories. we cried. laughed. remembered. prayed and prayed. we sang primary songs to her. we touched her. we told her we loved her. we thanked her. at one a.m. the transplant nurse called us and said all the teams of doctors had just flown in to take her organs and it was time to say goodbye. the four of us silently walked to her room - ian, myself, heather, and our 14yr. old niece, nicole. it was slow motion. how to say goodbye. we each had a moment. it was hard and very tearful. hearing heather crying was the hardest. ian gave his mom the most beautiful blessing i have ever heard. she would be o.k. but oh how we were gonna miss you mom. we couldn't leave her side so they let us go downstairs just outside the room where all the teams of doctors were waiting. waiting for her organs that their patients so desperately needed. we got to the hall and were told we couldn't go any further. it was painful. it was hard. it was our last goodbye. it was tearful. one of the nurses was crying too. they promised they'd be gentle. then we watched as her body went down the hall and turned the corner. that was it.
we caught the next flight at 6am and the nurse called us at the airport. everything went great. i realized then that she was really gone. now we had to go home, tell the kids, and plan a funeral. we're not sure what was harder. seeing sto (ian's step dad) and grandpa and grandma (her parents) was difficult.
pat was an amazing lady. we remember her silly laugh and smile. we remember her always greeting us with a kiss and hug and she and i always kissed on the lips!! we remember her constant phone calls. when we were in georgia she visited us often. one lonely week there, because ian was always gone, she called me every day to make me feel better. she always said, "i love you". she loved a clean house and gardening. she loved zucchini, bread, chips, brownies, and salad with beets. she loved bike riding with a passion. so does ian. before bikes she loved horses and had many. so does lauren. she never sat down. she always sent packages to her grand kids and loved giving them things. she got a lil' job at the local thrift store just to be able to pay her tithing. ian had re-baptized her when we lived in georgia. she loved reading the scriptures. she loved having her grand kids stay with her and doing crafts with them. we remember her love for the outdoors and family. evan remembers "she loved us and played with us". ethan remembers "she always shared with us and we all love her". lauren struggled to put her memories into words. she was closest to her. they did so much together and had a special bond. mom got a puppy a week before she died. guess who has the puppy now? lauren and that dog have a sweet lil' bond.
i guess today is a celebration of life. we remember mom in so many ways. she died as spring was beginning. her favorite time and season. how ironic. she left life in winter. she entered the next life in spring. a time of new growth. a new beginning. the blossoming of life all around. she continues to blossom, and grow and learn. we pray for her spirit all the time. we celebrate her life and who she was to us. a life that was, a life that is and the knowledge that we are all forever.
today is my mom's birthday. today marks events that have brought us here and changed our lives. mom's are special people. oh how we love our mom's. not replaceable. our teachers. our hearts our woven into their's from the beginning. pat was my mom too. oh how i love her and today i remember much. today i'll be working in the garden, in memory of mom.
song of the day: "fragile" by sting. have a suzy moment. tell your mom today that you love her.
(i'd also select "prayer for the dying" by one of my most favorite artist, seal). sentimental.